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Portslade/Hove? No matter. Where there are wings we follow....

Garden Bar

We hadn’t done Wingnuts all summer, we were excited to get back on the wing hunt again, so that’s why we didn’t mind travelling what seemed like across two time zones and continents to get to the Garden Bar (surely this place cannot be in Hove?). To be fair though it was almost worth the trip, as this is a nice pub. It has a great garden, a good atmosphere and really friendly staff. They offer three different sauces, bbq, hot chilli and sweet chilli and thankfully they let us have the wings plain, so that we could try them all. We’re so glad they did, as the wings were good, they were nicely roasted and crispy, but they would have been ruined if they had been covered in any of those sauces. They had good provenance though and we’d definitely eat the wings again and go back for a pint. Seriously though guys, use those sauces to paint a line on the road marking the furthest edge of Wingnut country.

Provenance: 7.5

Portion: 8

Taste: 7

Atmosphere: 5

Heat Variety: 6

Total: 33.5

Damasco Grill

One thing we’ve always spoken about in our Wingnut quest is to find a hidden gem, a secret little place that nobody has heard of that serves up the greatest wings the world has never tasted. We stumbled on this place by chance and their menu and passion for their food got us very excited. They also had the most reasonably priced wings we’d ever seen (nine for £2.40!) that they barbequed in front of us! We were excited, could this be it, was this the secret hidden wing wonderland we’d been searching for? Sadly no. The wings were apparently ‘from London’, were undercooked, average and a bit slimy (that sounds like an accurate description of Wingnut Steve as well). To give them some credit though, their chilli sauce was awesome and we wanted to eat it with their burgers, their kebabs and their lamb chops. We’d be chuffed to live near a place like this, but sadly not for their chicken wings.

Provenance: 2

Portion: 9

Taste: 5

Atmosphere: 4

Heat Variety: 6

Total: 26

Mye Mye

So this was another random joint we just happened to walk past, but we’re glad this time we didn’t say Bye Bye to Mye Mye, as these wings were fantastic! They were crispy and tasty and we would happily travel back for these bad boys. They won’t score very highly overall, as their heat variety, provenance and atmosphere scores will drag them down, but they are cooking good wings as well as some of their more famous peers. ‘Mye oh Mye Delilah’ as Tom Jones once said, or maybe he didn’t, we can’t remember.

Provenance: 0

Portion: 5.5

Taste: 7.5

Atmosphere: 1

Heat Variety: 0

Total: 14

Texas Pizza

We were so not drunk enough when we ordered these and as usual the clue is in the name. We asked for wings and the guy literally opened a freezer door and poured them straight from a bag into the fryer with the chips. But hey, do you know what they tasted like? That’s right, they tasted like shit. We couldn’t actually find any chicken on them, and they appeared to be made entirely of batter and bones. Oh, and for an extra 30p a pop, you can choose from a vast selection of sauces called things like ‘Piri Piri Fireball’ and ‘Lime and Herbs’ all of which just taste like vinegar and ketchup. Added to which, when we asked the guy about provenance, he thought we were trying to order a pizza. We took one for the wing team here. Avoid.

Provenance: 0

Portion: 5

Taste: 2.5

Atmosphere: 0

Heat Variety: 9

Total: 16.5

The Westbourne

Oh yes! So after the nonsense that was Texas Pizza, we finally sat down to some serious wings. This is why we continue this selfless mission, so we can go to places we’ve never been to before and be given some of the finest wings the city has to offer! These are good guys, knocking out great wings, and they will shoot straight into the top five. They had a crispy skin, a fantastic taste, were spiced perfectly and sourced locally. They also had a blue cheese dip that Wingnut Steve like so much he wanted to wear as his cologne. Get yourself down here asap and tell them the Wingnuts sent ya’ you won’t be disappointed!

Provenance: 9

Portion: 7.5

Taste: 9

Atmosphere: 6.5

Heat Variety: 0

Total: 32

Poets Corner

This was an interesting place, as they’ll probably score quite highly overall. They clearly took their food seriously, had good provenance and for a Tuesday night the place had a great atmosphere. They offered a vast range of sauces and were happy for us to have the wings plain and give us the full selection to try. All looking good, but the first problem was the wings. They just didn’t taste that great and although the top ones were nice and crispy, they got slimier the further down the bowl you got. Still, all is not lost, even an average wing can be propped up with a decent sauce and we had been given six to choose from! Unfortunately, they were all bad. Also, not just bad, but completely confusing!? If you were to do a blind taste test on these, we would be amazed if you got even one right. The lemon and herb tasted like cupcakes, the buffalo we can only assume tastes like a live buffalo and there was one luminous orange one that we still can’t figure out? Anyway, we wrote a poem to explain:

‘Oh chicken wings, how we love thee,’

‘When we eat you, we feel so free,’

‘We think of you, both night and day,’

‘But these inedible sauces, you can throw away’.

Provenance: 7

Portion: 7

Taste: 5.5

Atmosphere: 8

Heat Variety: 4

Total: 31.5